April 14, 2007

Looming over me right now like some kind of big, giant loom are a whole bunch of heinous responsibilities that I am no longer able to pawn off on a parent or two, so I’ve decided to write a C-File, on the basis of that gets me no closer to actually finishing any of them.

Most notably, there are taxes, which are “finished.”  They are “finished” because the helpful 2006 Helpful Tax Program for People Who Are Too Stupid To Fill in a 1040 But Also Know How to Navigate a User Interface Clearly Designed for Some 1980s Version of Linux told me I was finished, and I’m inclined to believe it.  It’s easy!  All you have to do is gather together all your various envelopes labeled DO NOT THROW AWAY – IMPORTANT TAX DOCUMENTS ENCLOSED that you keep in a handy pile by the front door along with other things such as menus for order-in Thai and narrow-appeal magazines for the folks who used to live in the apartment (Menopause Monthly: “25 Sinful Chocolate Recipes Using Only the Energy from Hot Flashes ”).  Then, enter all the information into the program as it asks you, “interview-style,” what your social security number is 14 gazillion times, in case it’s changed in the last 15 seconds.

At this point, the 2006 Helpful Tax Program asks you to fill in your W-2, which is very easy because your employer filled out a good 75% of the federally required boxes, leaving you to sort of guess what the other numbers are.  If you make a mistake, don’t worry!  The handy user interface will be happy to take you back to the previous entry just as soon as you’ve finished filling out the entire rest of your 1040.  The cursor is on a mission, after all, and can’t be interrupted on its journey from questions 1-14a.  (And you’d better hope none of your employer names contain a program-crashing character such as an ampersand or, God forbid, a comma).

Once you’ve managed to get everything just right (defined as “good enough”), the 2006 Helpful Tax Program allows you to “e-file” your return, using the most sophistimacated web technology ever!  It simply opens up Internet Explorer 7 and directs you, step by step, as to how to Browse over to your My Documents folder, where it has kindly saved your 1040, and upload it manually to their server, where, I am sure, an actual live employee will find it in the morning, print it out, and mail it to the IRS.  The government’s software standards are somehow less than encouraging.

But, at least that’s over with.  I hope.  If the IRS has a problem with it, I’m sure they’ll let me know.  Although I don’t claim to understand tax law, it looks like my salary will be over the limit to e-file next year.  The limit ($35,000/yr, if I’m making this up correctly) seems arbitrary, frankly, as while that amount of money is enough to afford a nice two-story starter home with yard and some level of occasional internet service in suburban Alabama, in Massachusetts it buys you about 4 cups of Dunkin Donuts frappuccino.  But oh well.  I’m hoping I just misinterpreted the tax law.  I know, though, what are the odds?

That just leaves cleaning the apartment and completing my Masters project, and I’ve already made quite a bit of progress on item 1, specifically the part where I move some dirty dishes from in front of the monitor to make room for the next round of dirty dishes.  I have to clean the apartment, you see, because the landlord is coming by to “take a look at the place,” which sounds pretty ominous from my perspective, as I keep expecting the apartment to get cleaned by the magical carpet-line fairy like back home in Alabama, but so far it hasn’t happened and I’m starting to worry.  If the fairy doesn’t get here soon I may have to take matters into my own hands, and who wants matters all over one’s hands, really?

So, I think, clearly, the key to organizing cleaning the apartment is to remember back to my Software Engineering courses at Harding and Tufts.  The techniques taught were very good at organizing processes for maximum efficiency, according to people who don’t actually use them.  So I should adopt them wholeheartedly.  Let’s see, which should I use?

The Waterfall Method.  The “waterfall method” is where you simply do all the tasks one-by-one in traditional order – you know, dust, vacuum, clean the bathroom.  While still popular in non-compliant software businesses, this strategy is now considered woefully outdated and in need of replacement.

The Prototyping Method.  This is where you do a brief mockup of the final product, present to the end user for feedback, and then revise, gradually transforming it into the end result!  This is much more promising, as I can just vacuum a little bit here and there and then ask the landlord if I’m moving in a good direction before continuing.  It’s important to be able to plan for change.

The Agile Method.  Quick results are far more important than process.  If the junk is in a drawer, out of sight, it achieves the same thing at a reduced time cost. 

Well, I must say that reviewal of my options was quite draining.  I don’t know that I have it in me to continue towards the “decision” node of my work tree.  The “get some more raisin bran” node is looking pretty promising right now, though.

Oh well, I should probably go back to straightening up.  And then maybe I’ll be less bent out of shape (har!). 

And… I think that’s enough C-File for now.  Happy Tax Season.